-image-Pants and Panties

August 5th, 2009

This is Hilarious!!! Had to post this joke. :)

Mike was going to be married to Carol so his Father sat him down for a little chat.

He said, ‘Mike, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, ‘Here, try these on.”

She did and said, ‘These are too big. I can’t wear them.’

I replied, ‘Exactly.. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.’

Ever since that night, we have never had any problems.

‘Hmmm,’ said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.

On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Carol, ‘Here, try these on..’

She tried them on and said, ‘These are too large. They don’t fit me’

Mike said, ‘Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don’t want you to ever forget that.’

Then Carol took off her panties and handed them to Mike. She said, ‘Here, you try on mine..’

Mike did and said, ‘I can’t get into your panties.’

Carol said, ‘Exactly. And if you don’t change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.’



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-image-Secret Dietary Tips

May 12th, 2009



Two older men are sitting on a park bench talking and one of them asks the other about his sex life. The man answers that he has an excellent sex life and is still very active.
The other man confesses that his sexual appetite has greatly diminished with old age so he asks the other man if he has any secrets for staying sexually vital.
“Well,” answered the man, “I eat rye bread everyday. That is my secret. If you just eat rye bread, your sex life will improve dramatically.”
The other man decides to follow this advice and finds a bakery nearby. He tells the clerk behind the counter that he wants all of the loaves of rye bread that they have in stock.
The clerk then asks the man, “do you want whole loaves or do you want us to slice them?”
The man looks puzzled and asks the clerk, “what is the difference?”
The clerk responds, “Well when it’s sliced, it gets harder faster.”
To which the man responded, “How come everyone knew about this but me?”



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-image-Somehow Pregnant - Funny Joke

May 8th, 2009

This is a funny one so I had to post it!! For Da Taste!!

Somehow Pregnant

A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. “Young lady,” said the doctor, “you’re pregnant.”

“But that can’t be. The only men I’ve been with are nudists and in our colony we practice sex only with our eyes.”

“Well my dear,” said the doctor, “someone in that colony is cockeyed.”




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-image-Fight at the Wedding

February 6th, 2009

A wedding occurred, in Austrailia. To keep tradition going, everyone got drunk and the bride’s and groom’s families had a humongous fight and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the crap out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting “Silence in Court.” The courtroom goes silent and DANNY (the best man) stands up and says, “Your honour, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened.”

The judge agrees and asks Danny to take the stand. Danny begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in an Austrailian wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride. The judge says “OK.”

“Well”, said Danny, “After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song. All of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick in her privates.”

The judge responded “God, that must have hurt!”

Danny replied “HURT! He broke three of my damn fingers!”




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-image-Performance Reviews - Funny Joke

April 8th, 2008

Performance Reviews

What it really means . . .

Is it time for performance reviews at your work? Here are some performance review terms and their meaning . . .

Outgoing Personality……………….Always going out of the office

Good Communication Skills…………..Spends lots of time on phone

Average Employee…………………..Not too bright

Exceptionally Well Qualified………..Made no major blunders… yet

Work is First Priority……………..Too ugly to get a date

Active Socially……………………Drinks a lot

Family is Active Socially………….Spouse drinks, too

Independent Worker………………..Nobody knows what he/she does

Quick Thinking……………………Offers plausible excuses

Careful Thinker…………………..Won’t make a decision

Aggressive……………………….Obnoxious

Uses Logic on Difficult Jobs……….Gets someone else to do it

Expresses Themselves Well………….Speaks English

Meticulous Attention to Detail……..A nit picker

Has Leadership Qualities…………..Is tall or has a loud voice

Exceptionally Good Judgment………..Lucky

Career Minded…………………….Back Stabber

Loyal……………………………Can’t get a job anywhere else



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-image-Getting Married In Heaven

October 14th, 2007

GETTING MARRIED IN HEAVEN…

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident.

The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to

process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder could they possibly

get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter arrived, they asked him if they could get married in Heaven. St. Peter said,

“I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,” and he left.

The couple sat and waited for an answer for a couple of months. While they waited, they

discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get

married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? “What if it doesn’t work? Are we stuck in

Heaven together forever?”

Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.

“Yes,” he informed the couple, “You can get married in Heaven.”

“Great!” said the couple. “But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out?

Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.

“What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple.

“OH COME ON!” St. Peter shouted.

“It took me 3 months to find a Priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’ll take to find a lawyer?”



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-image-Funny Joke

August 22nd, 2007

A Funny Joke posted by one of our visitors. Thank you for whoever left this joke :smile_tb:

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write “Spaghetti” on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. His wife said, “Honey, you received a very strange post card today.” “Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it,” he said. The wife handed him the card and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and
collapsed.

On the card was written: “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without! Request bread…



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-image-Men and Women. Too Funny

August 13th, 2007

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM ” He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked
sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”
“Yep,” the wife replied , “in-laws

WOMEN’S REVENGE
“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television
set in her purse.
“So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
“No,” she replied, ” but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and
I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I’m not
going to understand women.
I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your
upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day…
30,000 to a man’s 15,000.
The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men…
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”

CREATION
A man said t o his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time.”
The wife responded, “Allow me to
explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me
stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the
coffee each morning.
The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we
don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”
The husband said, ” You
are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is
your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”
Wife replies, “No, you
should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the
coffee.”
Husband replies, “I can’t believe that, show me.”
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at
the top of several pages, that it indeed
says……….”HEBREWS”

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
before the masterpiece.

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE
IT !!!

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-image-Hilarious Joke - Leaving Trails

August 6th, 2007



Leaving Trails

A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red ‘H’ on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue ‘Y’ on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green ‘M’ on her chest. “Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor. “No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?”



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-image-Success With Women

June 30th, 2007

Sorry for not updating for a while. I moved to a new place and been really busy with the move, job etc… In the mean time, here is a funny Joke

Thank for dropping by to visit, and have a Tasty Day! :smile_tb:

Jay



A man walked into a therapist’s office looking very depressed. “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.”

“What’s the problem?” the doctor inquired.

“Well, I’m 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.”

“My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you’ll have women buzzing all around you.”

The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face. “Did my advice not work?” asked the doctor.

“It worked alright. For the past several weeks I’ve enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women.”

“So, what’s your problem?”

“I don’t have a problem,” the man replied. “My wife does.”



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